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With men's leagues, so much depends on the level of play and the earnestness of the players (and as noted earlier, administration).
Meaning, many guys are out there playing to get some exercise or share some camaraderie. Get in their mindset. They'll be pissed at themselves more than you in many cases. That's why it pays to not react to every single utterance or first reaction.
Thinking back to my own men's league days, when things were going south, I'd usually a) get on myself (not always non-profanely) or, less often, b) blame a ref (non-profanely).
The key is how quickly a player lets go of it. If he keeps harping, get out the stop sign. His teammates will probably thank you.
As I used to good-naturedly tell the refs when I played, I paid to sweat and complain a bit. They got paid to hear it —*to some small degree. One particularly poor-performing Amesman night, before my officiating days started, I actually did chide a ref for supposedly not being in good position after I "was fouled" on a missed shot.
As we headed back down court, he calmly told me to take it easy and I shot back, "What I can't complain now?" He boomed back: "You can complain about your own playing, just not ME!" No extra testosterone, no T served. Message delivered and peace reigned.
A few months later, I went to my first officials association meeting and found out this guy was a state-finals official, the dean of area officials -- and is now one of my major assignors. True story. I've never brought it up with him, and I don't think he ever would remember anyway. Just water under the bridge.
Oh, finally: If you're going to take the paycheck for these games, you still have to hustle. You will save yourself a lot of grief if you don't appear to be lazy. Think about it: The last thing a panting, busting-butt player wants to see is a guy in stripes trailing plays, looking like he's there just to pick up the check.
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