[BoomerSooner]

Concerning your original question..."how to approach an incorrect umpire?", I feel like you handled yourself almost perfectly based on what you've shared. I do have two suggestions, but generally speaking, I would say that what you've described is the model for how to handle questioning an umpire during the game.

My first suggestion is to avoid asking the "You do know..., right?" types of questions. Asking it this way puts the umpire in a defensive mindset. This rule applies to most situations, not just dealing with umpires. For those of us that are married, you can vouch for the fact that when your wife makes a mistake following it with "You do know (fill in the blank), right?" is not a good idea. As an alternative, once he said it hit her fingers, you could have asked back, "Does she get first base?" and let the conversation flow from there.

The second suggestion is rather simple, but maybe one of the most important: Always be mindful of your body language and tone. Earlier I said "based on what you've shared" because I realize we all tell stories based on our own perception of what happened and don't realize that others see things about us that we don't. I'm not saying you did do anything wrong in these areas (such as raising your voice or waving arms or anything like that), but maybe the umpire picked up on something that caused him to feel disrespected. Standing side-by-side is a great way non-confrontational way to position yourself, so kudos on that front.

From the sounds of it, this guy was convinced he was right and my suggestions wouldn't have changed anything, but I'm trying to give you something to use to try to improve on what I think was really well handled on your part in the first place.

Lastly, I agree with the other posters that lodging a protest is the only real tool you have if an umpire is wrong and refuses to acknowledge it. Depending on how protests get handled in your area, most umpires will do just about anything to resolve a protest on the spot. The alternative is to risk having to come back another day to replay the game from the point of the protest (especially since you don't usually get another game fee). I also agree that the umpire had no business coming to you after the game the way he did. If he honestly felt like you disrespected him during the game to the extent that he couldn't let go of it by the end of the game, he should have ejected you. I'm not saying it would have been justified, but if I feel like a coach has done something so egregious that I'll still be upset by it at the end of the game, I've reached the point of letting him/her know it is time to leave.