OK... my trip to the dark side is nearly complete. Coaching last night ... umpire me would have ejected coach me about 6 times.
Wondering, though, if I was given huge amounts of rope because the umpires knew they kicked it (multiple times).
Early first game - grounder to 2nd, bad throw - fantastic swipe tag from my first baseman (my fans go insane cheering her play) but ... ... SAFE!!! I calmly (yes, really...) ask BU to go for help as he was almost certainly straight-lined and couldn't see the tag. PU (unfortunately, within my earshot) tells him, "I wasn't watching." He sheepishly looks at me as BU repeats the safe sign. I'm glaring but say nothing.
Sidenote - coaches and umpires at the plate conference agreed we'd go VERY easy on both pitchers. This was last place vs 2nd to last place - and both teams' real pitchers were not in attendance.
Next half inning... other team's pitcher windmills, my runner goes... pitcher doesn't release the ball, windmills again and pitches. BU bangs my runner out for leaving early. I get nowhere in my discussions with them (yes, both of them... nice mechanics guys).
A bit later... they have a runner on 3rd. Takes a normal lead off - line drive speared by my pitcher, who falls making the play. Runner continued home - we appeal at third. Safe! Really? Did she return ... EVER ... after the lead off? BU says no - but that the line drive was so fast she didn't have time to get off the base before it was caught. Really??????? So I point out that she lead off ... like runners do - as was off the base while the pitch was in the air, and ask again if she ever returned. He said she did not return, but ruled her safe anyway because, "The line drive was just hit too hard."
I go mini-ballistic here, but somehow stay in the game.
Game 2 - same umpires, new opponent. Suddenly, PU has lost his mind. 12-15 ankle-high pitches (probably about equally for both teams) were called strikes - three of them BOUNCED before reaching the plate ... all of them bounced before reaching the catcher. After the first inning, BOTH coaches (we discussed doing this as I was 3BC by the other team's dugout) approach and tell him quietly that he was killing us with the ankle-strikes.
Top of 2, my pitcher throws a swinging strike and then a 2nd pitch right down the middle. Ball. I ask, Where was that? PU points at the plate. I ask - was it high, low, what? His answer ... "looked good". I'm about to approach but my pitcher is already winding... and another right down freaking broadway. Other coach is already saying, "You've got to swing at those" ... BALL. I call time, steam coming out of my ears. Before I get there, the other coach says, "Come on Blue", then says my pitcher's name to get her attention and tells her it was perfect.
I don't remember EVERYTHING I said, and I didn't cuss - and only the catcher and he could have heard me... but I went on for at least a minute - fully expecting to be shown the gate. I do know "you have no business being on this field" and "you need to be at least as competent as the players" and "Do your job or get out of here and let BU do it for you" came out of my mouth.
(Interestingly, the next inning when I was 3BC, the other coach asked what I said and then said, "Wow - what do you have to do to get tossed around here?"
)
My first utter conniption fit. The dark side was strong last night.