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What is the best time and way to explain your position to the referee?
I agree that the best way is to ask the ref calmly at half time or after a game, especially in a youth leagues. When I do those games I feel I am partly there to help teach the kids. If I'm asked nicely and a coach just wants to have a conversation so he can learn I will always take time to do this.
A great example of this happened to me last season. In the youth league I coordinate we don't allow backcourt defense, team defenses or isolation plays on offense (trying to promote man to man skills). In one game a coach objected so much that he eventually got two T's and was ejected. Later in the season, he started asking us after every game why we called it this way or that way along with some "what if we did this" type questions. He used this information to teach the kids and design plays that fit our rules. They won the lleague championship that year by beating an undefeated team (who always won by 25+ points) because that team was called multiple times for these violations (most of their plays were disguised zones on defense and spreads on offense) and the coach never adapted.
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