[Mark Padgett]

Two dobermans were at the vet. One asks the other (yes, you have to buy the premise that they can talk to each other) why he's there. The other one says, "Well, it's a pretty sad story, really. I'm here to get put down. This is my last day on earth." "Jeez" says the first dog. "What did you do to deserve that?"

"Well, yesterday my master left me alone in the house for the first time ever. Hey - I'm a doberman. I ripped up the drapes, I peed on the rug, I tore up the carpet, I knocked over the stereo equipment, I got into the refrigerator and the garbage and ate all the food. My master came home, took one look and said he 'had it' with me and that he was going to bring me in here today and have me put to sleep. So - what's your story?"

The other dog says, "I have kind of a similar story. I live with this female. I guess you'd call her my mistress. And - I must admit - for a human, she's not bad looking. Not only that, she goes around the house all day stark naked. Yesterday, she was down on her hands and knees, naked as usual, scrubbing the kitchen floor. What can I say - I'm a doberman, too. I jumped her!"

"Wow" said the other dog. "So....you're here to get put down, too?"

"No" says the first dog. "Just getting my nails clipped."