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Try to remember the principle of verticality... that is, the defensive player is entitled to the space directly above them. If you have your arms straight up, and jump straight up, you should not be called for a foul at the d-3 level. What I see many times is a player who is capable of blocking a shot by going straight up, but wants to swat at the ball. When this happens it is easier to call a foul on the defender because they did not stay in their "vertical frame." Also, as officials we live and die with Advantage-Disadvantage. If the referee feels that your contact gave you an advantage over the shooter (i.e. caused him to miss the shot) then it is going to be a foul. If the perception is that the contact did not cause the shot to be missed then it should not be called a foul.
This is not an exact science. Unfortunately, as hard as we try to be consistent you're going to get different calls from different officials. You may even get different calls from me from night to night.... although I would hope not. But like was already said, talking to the ref about his call is NOT going to earn you any favors later in the game. Best thing to do is nod your head and raise your hand when called for a foul, letting everyone know that the ref got it right -- even if you don't agree. THIS behavior is what we all love to see!
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