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MARK - I'll bring the $$$!!
As someone who resembles this remark, I think I can speak on it with some real life experience.
For starters, I don't tell the officials that I AM an official. Some/most of them know me, and if they don't, I am not sure how much it matters. Of course, if there is a 'bad' call my wife is in the annoying habit of informing the unknowning officials that I am one. (I ask her to stop, but you can't tell women ANYTHING!)
IMO, most coaches who also officiate forget that once they are on the bench they are no longer an unbiased observer. I realize that I have a bias on the bench and act accordingly. IF there is a rules issue or something, I will inform the Head Coach. I will give my wife "language of art" to use if she is talking to officials to be 'heard'. And if she asks my opinion on a call I will give it to her. (Usually, I say it was a good call) What I don't do is yell at officials, mentor them or anything. I will make jokes with them and even compliment calls that may have gone against us if I am friends with them. (ie. How can you expect us to win if you keep making good calls like that)
Most official/coaches I run into during the summer. I don't know if it is the weather or what, but they are the ones who give the most grief. I actually tossed a coach who I later found out was a big wig D1 men's official during an AAU Tournament. I had another one tell me it is a good thing my supervisor isn't here to watch this game b/c I would not be working, to which I responded it is a good thing (Insert Name of Observer) isn't here to see how you act as a coach! didn't hear much from them after that.
The bottom line IMO, is that these people feel that since they theoretically have a concept of the rules, their criticism should count more then a "regular" coach. But again, once you sit on the bench you lose your unbias view of the contest.
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