[ref3808]

- Assistant coaches are required to wear a large scarlet A on their shirt and a name badge reading "Mr (or Mrs) Irrelevant".
- Only a player on the floor may request a time out, and must say please and thank you. (OK maybe I'm kidding on the please and thank you part)
- The game begins with an alternating possession throw in by the team with the best looking moms as determined by the referee. Overtime begins with whoever has the arrow at the end of regulation time.
- Overtime period is two minutes. If the game is still tied the coaches arm wrestle at center court. (I'm open to the best looking moms wrestling as well)
- The coaching box should be bound by an electric pet fence and the HC must wear the collar. Step out of the box - get a charge. The charge increases in frequency for each violation of the boundry. (Pitino would be unconscious by the end of the first half, unless he apologizes for another indiscretion)
- Every coach and player should participate once per year in the Special Olympics basketball tournament as a volunteer scorer or clock operator to understand the spirit of competition, the joy of simple accompishment and to learn just how silly they often sound when they complain about the trivial.
- The statement "He (or she) has done that all year and no one called it ..." is a technical foul.