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BNR,
Don't forget that I used to live and officiate in the DC area as well.
I still think that you are failing to properly reward the athleticism of the defender for getting his hand on the ball without fouling and preventing the offensive player from releasing the ball when he desired. He has met the requirement of the rule for a held ball at that point. Anything else that happens afterwards doesn't matter. The ball is dead at that moment and you should sound the whistle immediately as it says in the NFHS case book.
If you don't do this, then you are presenting the offensive player with an extra advantage to which he is not entitled by rule. You are tipping the carefully crafted balance between offense and defense that has been established by the rules writers. That negatively impacts the game.
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