[theboys]

I lurk around here a lot, but rarely participate. As part of my penance I figured I'd respond to this thread. Bear with me. Its pretty long.

I don't know why other people act like stupid morons at sporting events, or in other parts of their lives, for that matter, and I've asked myself on many occasions why I acted like a stupid moron at a basketball game. Because, trust me, I used to make an a** of myself on a regular basis. I'm not proud, just confessing.

For me, its funny peculiar, because I'm an otherwise pretty laid back, fun loving person. I don't have anger issues anywhere else. And, I don't always have anger issues at a sporting event. I've coached and played on a lot of teams that lost a lot of games, and have many times walked away with my self-respect intact. Really.

Sometimes I don't, though. My stupidity is always associated with a sitatuion that:

1) I have a lot invested in the team (kids, coaching, alma mater, I'm playing)
2) The game is close (we may or may not be winning)
3) Something seems "unfair" - and I don't mean the referees are cheating. I at least know better than that. JR and I had a debate about that a long time ago. By unfair, I mean, it seems like, for example, the same contact on both ends doesn't yield the same result.
4) My frustration snowballs with other people's frustration

I still don't know exactly why I was such a freakin' idiot, but I suspect it had something to do with me feeling like whatever was going on was happening to "me", and I was frustrated because I felt like I couldn't do anything to make it better (control issue?). So, I lashed out at the only other people involved that I thought I could impact - the referees.

That's why this website has been so good for me over the years. Not only have I learned a ton about the rules of the game, I've also learned a lot about refereeing, the people who ref, and their motivations.

As I wrote in another thread awhile ago, I don't say much at games anymore. As a coach I'm much more focused on the game. I still find myself getting agitated in close games sometimes, but I can catch myself and calm myself down.

Am I completely reformed? I wish. But, at least I don't embarrass myself or my family or friends nearly as often. And, hopefully, I don't make it worse on the referees, players or other fans.

One thing that works real well with me is having an official politely put up his hand in the stop signal and tell me "that's enough". Even as a spectator it shuts me up. I think its because the referee's intervention breaks the "frustration snowball" and returns me to a relatively normal state. Now, I'm not saying its a referee's job to control morons like me. Its certainly not. But, as many of you have expressed in anecdoes with fans and coaches, it often works. Kinda like snapping your fingers at someone and saying, "Hey! Wake up!"

So, thats it. I offer no excuses. I don't want any sympathy. I just hope the next time you ref a game I coach or watch that I don't do anything that results in a thread about me the next day on The Official Forum.