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I'll be the first to admit, I've been known to give refs fits, but I find two things work very effectively with me:
1. The ref politely tells me to sit down. I find when I sit on my brain I'm a lot quieter.
2. The ref says something to me like, "that's enough, coach", or puts his hand up to me in the stop sign.
As stripes says, most coaches know when they're nearing the 'T' point.
One thing to think about, though - my experience is, giving T's is probably more indicative of a personality trait that a ref'ing preference. You may to work with both "extremes" individually to change behavior.
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If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
- Catherine Aird
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