[Jim Porter]

In Rich's defense, it was indeed a laser beam that got him. One of the hottest shots I've ever seen. It was literally off the bat and up against Rich's derriere in the blink of an eye. He had time to turn so it got him in the wallet, and that was all he had time for. If he had tried to step out of the way, Rich would no longer be a, "he." I must admit having a hard time regaining my composure behind the plate. I felt bad for Rich, but it was just so damn funny.

You'll be glad to know, Rich, that whole league went to wooden bats this year. Now you'd see more $40 dribblers than home runs or shots like you took. It's a glorious thing for the umpires. We are the envy of all umpires in the state. Everyone suddenly wants to work our games. And the players are planning a huge bonfire at the end of the season! Oh, and they announced games at Fenway Park next year - - woo-hoo!