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Mwanr1-
I believe you are taking good advice that you have heard from accomplished officials, and misinterpreting that advice.
You have some idea about situational game awareness, and that is a good thing. There are those that argue that you don't need to know things like the number of timeouts remaining, the team/player foul situation, and even the score of the game. That is bad advice. Any information about your game that you can be aware of will make you do a better job on the game. And I do agree that not all situations have to be handled exactly the same every single time they occur, but don't overthink the situation at hand.
As you said- tapes don't lie. If there is a player visibly requesting a time-out when they don't have one left, and it's obvious you have seen the request, you better get it.
There ARE situations where this can be handled differently- let's say during a dead ball, where a player walks up to you, and says, "time out." I might respond "are you sure- you don't have any left."
Same with your response to a coach. It is definitely true there is a difference between what a coach does if you are the only person to hear their comments vs. a coach that everyone in the gym can hear. I have had situations where I have had a coach curse up a blue streak right behind me and I have ignored it, and I have had situations where a demonstative, wildly gesticulating coach never uttered a swear word, and I have called a technical. I'm not a believer in "magic words," or "automatic techs."
But if a coach is directly addressing me, and manages to get the phrase "f*** you" out, that is about as close to automatic as I get- and it doesn't really matter to me who else heard it. Your credibility is shot if you don't take care of business here. Do you really think that story won't get out in the coaching circles? "And then I told the guy that he could go f*** himself, and he STILL didn't even do anything!"
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