My basic philoshophy is I never throw anyone--they throw themselves and I do the paperwork. In other words, in most cases you'll have no doubt.
First sitch--depends on how loud she was and body language. Sounds like I would have considered it. But I agree with the poster who said to tell her she WAS off the bag, the walk away. If she then follows you, say good night.
Second sitch--"Learn the rules." Again, depends on volume and body language. Most coaches doing that, IMO, are asking you to throw them, whether to light up their team or to say it's all your fault they lost or he just wants to see how far he can go. I've ignored it and I've tossed for it.
In other words, in both cases--HTBT.
Note: read rule 3-6-10, pg 39--he needs to "learn the rules."
