Here's one that really happened and it fits both the "annoying things heard" and "call it both ways" discussion.
Top of the first inning. Batter goes down looking at a pitch for the third out.
Passing me on his way back to the dugout, his coach says, "You gotta call that both ways!".
I dressed him down pretty good. Me: "Call it both ways? Coach, why don't you wait until your pitcher throws a pitch before you make up your mind whether or not I'm calling "both ways"! You don't have any idea how I'm going to call it because he hasn't thrown a pitch yet! If he throws the same pitch, he'll get the same call! You're arguing about something that hasn't even happened! Now knock it off and get back in your dugout!".
Didn't hear another peep from him the whole game, but that comment, in that situation, has to rank up there as one of the all-time dumbest.