[Freddy]

BF today, first game of a frosh/jv combo. My boys' assignor was part of the three-man crew. A standard, uneventful one-sided frosh game without controversy or anything else memorable.
Then...midway through the second quarter.
As trail, I detected a foreign object near midcourt, just outside the backcourt line of the jump circle. Unidentified as it was, it could pose a danger to the players the next trip down court if stepped on unawares. I whistled the play to stop to remove the offending object from the floor.
Went over to pick it up. I did. Looked like a recently-gummed Baby Ruth candy bar, or perhaps a rounded off, not yet chewed triple link of large tootsie roll. Felt exactly like the same thing. "Who's throwing candy on the floor?" I wondered. I was wrong.
I think you know where I'm going with this.
Object held loosely in my left hand, I delivered it to the scorer's table, and asked the gym supervisor there to "take care of it." He opened up his hand and I dropped it in. I distinctly remember saying, "And I don't even want to guess what it is." Up to that point, I really didn't know what it was.
Turning to my partners, just about to gesture to resume play at point of interruption, something told me to smell my left hand before I wiped what I thought was simple spittle on my pants.
Yep. It was a turd.
1-1/4" long, about 1" in circumference. Surface felt like the aforementioned Baby Ruth, but not as hard as would be a large tootsie roll.
As a plumbing contractor specializing in drain cleaning, I'm not all that squeamish about stuff like that--I see it and handle it everyday.
It's just I never thought I'd have to remove a sample of it from the basketball court.
The other two guys allowed me to discreetly to wash my hands, whereupon play resumed as if nothing happened. No one at the scorer's table said a thing about it the rest of the game.
My girls' assignor, prepping his own three-man crew for the varsity game afterwards agreed--as the only plumbing contractor in stripes that day, at least the right guy took care of the problem.
And I thought I'd seen it all.