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I've rarely doubted myself for calling one, I have kicked myself on the ride home for not calling one.
Just like the game slowing down for you takes time and experience, so does dealing with problem coaches and players.
You pretty much need to set your guidelines of what is not okay for you.
Have your automatics: they swore at you, they questioned your integrity, they were vocal and demonstrative and they were doing it on the floor or out of the box, etc.
Have your situational: the yapper, the shotgun, etc...and draw the line when they distract you. Warn and then they become automatic after that.
Nobody can set those for you. You need to figure out what you can ignore, what needs to be addressed, and what requires you to take care of business.
Once you figure out your boundaries, than work on ways to keep those boundaries from being reached without having to use the T...Now I'm in noway saying T's are bad, or always a last resort...but once you know where you stand on behavior, you can usually see very early in games where things will eventually head and you can have a few tricks in your bag that can head it off before it reaches your boundaries.
My advice is when you have a T, don't stress so much over calling it, focus on what behaviors lead to it and what you could have done to nip it in the bud before you whacked them. By doing that you better learn your limits and you start developing game management skills as well.
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