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Pat, here are a few thoughts. I won't be offended if you think they're completely off-base, but for what it's worth. . .
1) Wearing an IAABO patch doesn't make a bad ref into a good one. IAABO is a training organization and that's it. They do a lot of good things, in my opinion, but they don't work miracles. Having said that, this guy has been working for that assignor for several years, so he's probably doing something right, at least in that assignor's eyes. It might be worth your while to consider that maybe he does know what the assignor wants and take some of those tips for your own game.
2) The comments that you list don't sound particularly "destructive" to me (although there has to be a better way of saying, "you shouldn't have made that call"). His comments may be well-intentioned (and good advice), but just offered in a clumsy way. Maybe not. Maybe when you hear him in person, he's just a jerk. But I would urge you to listen to the message and not the delivery. Take what works for you and ignore the rest.
3) I think you are right to be worried about "ruffling feathers". Even if he's a complete a-hole, you don't want to go around making that information public. It can come back to haunt you. If you come to the conclusion that he's an idiot and you're just going to ignore everything he says, fine; but don't talk about that decision with other refs. Just work your game and ignore his tips.
Good luck.
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