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You need to find someone who will level with you about why you're not moving up. Something is probably not quite there yet, but it might be difficult to get anyone to tell you the truth. Here are some things you can do for yourself, that might help.
Look at game tapes. It's amazing what you see when you see yourself from that different perspective.
Listen carefully to the critique that others get, and try to see if it applies to you. What can you take from the gossip and chat that you hear about others?
Ask someone honestly to write down some critique. This is more likely to be more honest, since it's easier for the critiquing person to avaoid your unpleasant reaction. It's also easier for you to digest something off a piece of paper.
Ask not, "What do I need to do to get better?", ask, "What do I need to do to be like that guy there?" Ask Tom what you need to measure up to Fred. This tells you not only what your weaknesses are, but what strengths you have to work for.
Don't hesitate to set short term step goals, even if you come to realize that the long term goal is a long way off.
Find the company of the best refs in some other way than just being out on the floor. Serve on a committee with them, or join them in training others.
Try to ask yourself what you're really seeking. What if the highest game you could get was JV because you were an old geezer that couldn't cut the mustard any more. Would you quit then? So perhaps you really like higher level ball, and the lower stuff just isn't any fun. If you can't get those higher level officiating assignments, maybe you need to switch to being a coach or a table person, or a trainer or something like that.
Or what if you could work the highest level games, but you could never talk about it for some strange reason. Would you feel satisfied? If not, then glory and the identity of being a top level ref is part of the attraction. There's nothing wrong with this, but it's important to recognize it in yourself.
What if you were offered the perfect evening job with a huge jump in pay, and you could never work the varsity games, even if you were good enough for them? Would you be content to know you're that good, even though you never get to work at that level? I mean, is it the ball itself, or the satisfaction of being highly competent?
I'm just saying keep probing yourself, and your work. Keep trying to find a good fit. Something will work out.
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