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I agree with many of the other posters . . . you baited the coach with your approach and your choice of words. Don't challenge a coach, THEY will always lose that battle and YOU as an official set them up for it . . . HOOK, LINE, and SINKER! You have the ability to handle this situation in many ways, but your approach was not one I would recommend.
Also, don't give coaches ultimatums. Warn them in a professional courteous manner. Give them the stop sign, and let them know that they have been warned, and tell your co-officials immediately that you have warned the coach. If they don't comply, then they should be assessed a direct technical foul for unsporting conduct.
Based on the information you gave, I could see my conversation going something like this:
Coach: "That's a reach! That's a reach!"
Me: "There wasn't any contact coach."
Coach: "Ref, you have to call that."
Me: "Coach, if there isn't any contact, there is nothing I can call."
Coach: "That's a reach. It's illegal."
Me: "Coach, tell me what you saw . . ."
Coach: "I saw the kid reach across his body."
Me: "Coach, as long as the defensive player doesn't create contact, they are not prohibited from reaching across the offensive player's body."
Coach: "So even though he is reaching across my player's body, it is not a foul?"
Me: "Correct, Coach. As long as there is no contact."
And then I am out of there. Of course, that conversation would take place during a T/O or maybe a free throw situation. Otherwise, I do what JR said, "Thank you Coach, we'll look for that."
As for the 30-seconds issue . . . what did your NOT giving the coach his full 30 seconds achieve? Did getting the girl in 10 seconds sooner really accomplish anything? You also said you went over to your partner, which means you had to go across the floor to do so. How much time did that take? Who was watching the other players while you AND your partner were watching the ONE girl getting ready to sub in?
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