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IMO, ask questions when they can be answered. Don't yell a question when the Ref is chasing down a fast break, it won't work. Timeouts, Free throws, etc. During free throws, I will position myself by a coach if I think he is going to ask a question, if you see this take the opportunity.
Finally, there is no point in arguing with the ref, even if he says that the sky is yellow, you will get nowhere in arguing with him, and you will only create animosity (sp?) between you two. If you happen to be right, take the opportunity next time you see him at one of your games to say I wanted to discuss X with you.
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