Quote:
Originally posted by ChuckElias
[QUOTEOne question for TH. Why is talking with your hands considered more confrontational than folding them in front of your chest? I've always thought that folding your arms in front of your chest made a person look like he was trying to be superior or judgmental.
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What I have always been taught in communication is that folding your arms in front of your chest is a non-verbal act that physically closes off the body and, more importantly, signifies to the other person that you have a closed mind and will will engage only in one directional communication. And large gestures are also hostile, especially in potentially volatile situations, but subtle movement is not so hostile. But the caution on gesturing is that when you are engaging in a potentially hostile conversation, your gestures may easily reach the point that they look big and threatening rather than subtle. this can happen without your being conscious of it and thus the caution on using any sort of gesture. If you gestue, it should be conscious, small and very controlled if you do not wish to appear hostile.
If you are going over to the coach to show that you will listen to what they have to say, the arms behind the back while listening, or relaxed at your sides if you can stnd that way, is better than folding them. This would also hold true if you are giving your first explanation and may entertain a further question or response from the coach. If you have heard all you want to hear and you are going to tell them where you are coming from, folding the arms is may help signal that you are done listening and now you are in the one-directional communication mode - a subtle stop sign to the coach. Not necessarily a bad message to send once you have given the coach his/her time.
Bottom line though is that you must be comfortable and confident in commnicating in a potentially hostile interchange and display this confidence, knowing that you control when the conversation starts and stops. You must not allowing a coach's hostility to become your hostility. If you can maintain emotional control when communicating, this will come across in many non-verbal ways and benfit you in many ways beyond the basketball court.