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Here's a few things that have worked for me, though nothing is foolproof or works all the time:
1. The phrase "OK coach," in response to complaints and requests tends to do wonders.
2. Pick your spots if you must, but in general, don't argue. The exception might be to clarify that there was no contact (when he complains about a foul not called) or something similar. When he wants to argue, see number 1.
3. If he's getting beligerant: "coach, I need your cooperation and this behavior/comments isn't/aren't helping..." Try to do this when only he is around or within hearing distance.
4. When he gets personal or stupid, if you choose not to give him a T, just say something like, "coach, we are done talking." If he asks further, you might add that he's being disrespectful and unreasonable or whatever, but keep it short and get away from him. If he comes after you or keeps talking, you have no choice as to what to do next.
You can also do a lot of talking to a coach while keeping your eyes on the court -- say, during a free throw or a sub situation. Most of the time nobody except those in close proximity even know you both are talking to each other. Even the other coach may not know, but you can do the same with him later. I'm not saying initiate the discussion, but if the coach wants to talk and he's not out of control, engage him, but keep your eyes focused on the court. If he asks why you aren't looking at him, tell him "I know you are there, but I must keep focused on the floor." He should understand that.
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