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Level of tolerance -- the biggest discriptor that I can use is -- it depends. Time of game is huge. What will I take at the end of a game is a whole lot different than in the first 2 quarters. Some things I have no tollerance for, such as language that can be heard by more than just the player. Or disrespect of an official after a call. Yes I will take a lot more if the call was controversial.
Level of play also has a big part to do with it. I don't often ref girls, or lower levels of High School, but when I do my tolerance is less for a younger coach. They just seem to be more finatical and less knowing of the rules. That doesn't mean a T but it sure does mean a good talking to or a nice hand with "that's enough, back down coach." Now that I think of it the only T that I have given in the last two years came from a 9th grade game with a coach who was verbally abusing his players. When the opportunity came I jumped at the chance to help his players out. From that point on they played much better.
Game management is often the difference between lower level officials and making the transition to JC and Div 1. Most officials know the rules, I do say most. Most can move the floor and know the right spot to be in, may I repeat the word most. But few can respectfully handle situations of an erratic coach, problems with the table, or a hostle crowd and not let it get to him/her.
If I call a "T" I always mention in the pregame that I want my partner to administer the shots. Because I would rather explain, if necessary, why there was a "T" than have my partner have to guess or delay the game to find out why.
It all comes with experience. Learn some quick things to say that mean a lot in a short amount of time. I don't mean to belittle. But honest clips of what you saw or heard seems to work great for me. But always try to have a sense of humor, see it from the players side as well, put yourself in the coaches shoes, Maybe he really doesn't have a clue and he is faking it to make it.
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