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Al, please don't think we're not all learning eevn if it is your question.
A further point about ultimatums. Someone said warning insted of ultimatum, but that is not the point. No warning, either because it has to include some kind of "if". Just say "no more" or anything similar.
new Q: Is is really in the kids' best interest to return a coach who acts like that the next game, rather then have them coached by someone more civilized and learn that misbehavior has consequences.
new comment: personally, I'd have suspended him for pulling the team into a forfeit
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Officiating takes more than OJT.
It's not our jobs to invent rulings to fit our personal idea of what should and should not be.
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