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Couple of thoughts
First, if anybody hasn't already heard Joe's advice, he is directly on target. "The less said, the better." That's why captain's conferences are 20 seconds or less. That's why you don't announce the type of foul when you report to the table. That's why you only say "One!" when administering FTs (no need to say, "Ok, guys, we had a good hoop, so we're only shooting one, here. Everybody get set. Make sure it gets iron before you come into the lane. OK? Here we go. One!"). Almost anything you say can give somebody cause for taking umbrage. So say as little as possible. And when you do say something, keep it short, and unemotional. (See my post about Jimmy Burr vs. Bobby Knight.)
Second, I would never refer to the score as an explanation for a call/no-call. Better just to re-affirm your call, "It wasn't a travel." If you want to try to be lighthearted about it, you might add, "And you guys don't need any extra help tonight." But as this example clearly points out, admitting that you "referee the score" will only cause bad feelings (even tho every official does it at one point or another).
Third, devdog, you have GOT to T that girl. That is the definition of unsportsmanlike. Absolutely report it to the AD, but you should never tolerate that kind of disrespect on the court. It is irrelevant whether anybody else knows what happened. I can't believe that a player would do that. If I were speaking instead of typing, I'd be sputtering with outrage. Give the T and sit the coach, since she's bench personnel.
Finally, I've only physically moved a player once in my career. It was a 7th/8th grade boys game. A time-out was called and one little punk was doing a stare-down at another player and looked like he actually wanted to go at it. I got right in front of him, put my hand in his chest and moved him back to his bench. He said, "You can't push me!" And I just said, "You're not fighting during MY game" and kept walking until we were at his bench.
Take it for what it's worth.
Chuck
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