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BACKGROUND
OK, this is a long one that I have been chewing on for about a week because I didn't know how to say it or whether to try to say it. I coach in a high school that's located in the former per capita murder capital of the country and I love teaching the game of basketball to my kids and the metaphors it offers for learning about life. There was an incident late in our last game that I felt like the officials mishandled and I definitely mishandled and I just wanted to describe my thinking here in the hopes that it might make some small difference.
INCIDENT
We are up about 25 in the fourth against a team whose coach believes in the "foul to stop layup" philosopy that I am not a huge fan of but, whatever. She has been getting on her guys for allowing my kids to finish inside and get 3-point play opportunities during the game. Her team is pressuring up top, we pass around and throw down low to our 5-man who is behind everyone. A little guard from the other team runs across and down the lane and grabs our 5-man hard from behind by both upper-arms and turns him sideways to prevent the layup. We are guest and the home crowd has a laugh, partly, I think, because of the obvious intentional foul and partly because of this tiny white kid grabbing this large black kid. I think just about everyone was ready to laugh it off - there was clearly no intent to start a fight, this poor kid was tired of his coach yelling at him and his teammates to stop giving up layups. He kind up turned away embarrassed and his team was laughing as were the officials. I was watching my 5-man and so was my 4-man who was behind the play and couldn't even see 5's face. The 4-man didn't hesitate, he came running over and wrapped his arms around the 5-man and started calming him down - he didn't need to see his face to know his reaction was not one of light-hearted humor.
CONTEXT
Teaching kids from very violent neighborhoods (I hesitate to over-generalize but I feel pretty safe here) that fighting is wrong means only that you will lack all crediblity in their eyes. Many have close family who have taught them never to back down from anyone and for good reason. It is often a much wiser decision for a kid to jump into a certain beating that to be seen as someone who backs down on the street. I teach essentially that fighting will ALWAYS lead to negative consequences at school and that basketball is competition not threat. Coaches, scorers and officials are there to take care of the rules and the player's job is to play and compete not talk or fight. I try to help them understand that every craftsman's toolbox has a hammer in it but they need a lot of other tools and can't simply look for a bigger hammer every time they acquire a new tool. They believe it but the trust comes slowly sometimes. Often kids start to feel a threat early in situations and it's not the actual physical violence we see in front of us, it's the question of when their failure to deal with the threat of physical violence starts to lead to the promise of a bigger problem down the road.
BACK TO THE INCIDENT
So, the official called the foul but not the intentional. I didn't know this crew at all and we had driven out into the boonies for this game. They had worked an eighth-grade game before ours and weren't even coming to the table to signal fouls, they were relaying their signals to their partner so I didn't even have a chance to have a quiet word. To debate whether he kicked it is kind of moot because I'm going to make my same plea here anyway . . . but I kicked it here. What I did was say, across the floor since he was relaying his call to his partner, "isn't that kind of the definition of intentional?" In my mind I'm thinking, "let's show the kids we're on top of it." What he's probably thinking is, "this jerk is up by 28 and he is arguing for this call?" If I had it to do over I think I would have called for a 30 to see if I could have said, "I don't need the intentional but please just warn so my players can see you warn." As long as they believe that the refs and their coach are really taking care of business we can minimize any crap. I don't know if this would have seemed annoying too, but it had to be better than just talking across the court like a moron.
CLARIFICATION
I am not asking for any exceptions for kids who have it rough. Keep the bar high. If my kids let loose verbally or slam a ball down please whack away and when you do you will see their replacement kneeling at the table and my player will know that he has not faced the worst part of his day yet. I just think that if you have any question about whether to be lenient with any potentially incendiary incident, comment, etc, even if it's late in a game and the intent seems innocent enough that it is worth taking into account that there may be two (or more) different cultures on the receiving end. Please don't let an intentional foul or trash talking go unless you really feel you have a grasp for how all parties are responding.
Ultimately, my kids know they are the ones who have to adjust to a different culture if they want to be sucessful. I always worry when they put their faith in the system and it doesn't seem to work for them. I know this may seem like a small point but a lot of my kids are not sure it's worth it to "act more white." A lot of little rewards help.
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