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Steve33, I'm going to try and assume that you're someone who posted in good faith. I will say that despite your good faith, you must accept -- it's hard to do, but you MUST ACCEPT it -- that you are a fan who had a rooting interest and therefore you were not, nor can you be, objective in your evaluation.
O.K. It sounds like the officiating crew kicked the rule change for shot clock re-setting. They should get that right, but they didn't. Even if all four kicked balls happened against the same team, which is unlikely but possible, this would tend to influence the outcome (note: not "decide" the outcome, but "influence" it) of a game, oh, I don't know, roughly .213% of the time. If the coach got a T over arguing that call, it's because s/he can't control her/himself, not *because of* the call.
On the breakaway layup, it's possible that the official simply did not see the "jersey pull" and it's also possible that what the official saw as a brush on the jersey was interpreted by fans and team supporters as a "pull." Either a call was missed or it was viewed differently.
A three-second violation cannot happen when the ball is in the air (because, as you know, there is no team control when the ball is in flight -- you know this, even though many of your fan colleagues do not since they keep yelling "3 seconds" during rebounding action). However, if a player has commited a three-second violation and the officials decides that the player has gained an advantage by being in there too long, it is possible for an official to blow the whistle (while the ball is in flight) for a violation that took place before the ball was in flight. Hopefully it does not happen too much later - it looks bad - but that is certainly possible.
Actually, you admitted that you're not too sure about the 3-second rule. A player cannot continuously be in the lane for three seconds while there is team control in the front court. As you are now coming to realize, the key here is team control in the front court, not player control, as to whether a three-seconds violation is appropriate.
Bad traveling and block/charge calls? Well, certainly all of us who officiate miss some of these calls some of the time. I'm willing to bet, however, that they got a lot more of those "disputed" calls right than you did. I don't say that because you are a bad person. I say that because they are trained and experienced officials with a neutral attitude toward the outcome of the game.
The coach should handle officiating in the following manner: ask polite questions of the officials and otherwise coach her/his players. How should a fan deal with officiating without losing her/his mind? Recognize that the players will decide the outcome of the game with little "influence" from officials and therefore focus your energy where it matters.
Best wishes.
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