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Originally posted by bebanovich
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I'll also add the absolute HARDEST call to make is one the coach is pining for loud enough for the fans, other team and my partner to hear. Makes the offical look a puppet.
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It's always a very uncomfortable moment for me too when I hear the whistle after I pine for a call I think I'm not going to get. You'd think I'd be happy but I usually want to crawl into a hole. If I'm standing, I make sure I sit in a hurry. I immediately yell some coaching instructions at least as loud as I just yelled, "WALK!" 
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Perhaps it is these calls that make people think "working the ref" actually has an effect. I've had to make the calls right after the coach screams for it, and their reactions are sometimes like yours. "Oh, he is paying attention."
If you really think your refs respond well to being worked, then do what you think you must. However, I do not appreciate being coached.
As was already stated, when I sense a coach is coaching me, I'll tune him out and work the game. It's not fair to the kids to change the way I make calls on the basis of a completely biased observation from an obviously less advantageous position than mine.
Also, be aware of the fact that a lot of refs will call what are considered "ABS" T's. Accumulation of Bull Sh**. A comment from a coach who's been coaching his kids the entire game will generally earn a response from me. The same comment from a coach who's been coaching me all game could very well get the other team a couple of free throws and the ball.
An occasional comment, such as "can you watch the pushing on the boards?" is fine, IMO, from the head coach. But if you've been hollaring for traveling every time down the court (I've had coaches like this) or complaining about "ticky-tack" or "cheap" fouls all game, I guarantee I won't hear what you're trying to say when you want me to.
It's an adjustment some of us have to make to focus on the players.