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When I'm working alone, I appreciate a coach talking to me politely about a situation. I'll watch for that kind of rough stuff more closely, even to the point of missing a violation if necessary. I think bringing in the other coach was a mistake. You have to let the ref handle that end of things. And if she (or he)doesn't do that, report the whole thing to the league. You might also have instructed your players to remain in the sight of the ref, so that the little wrestler couldn't have been out of sight. Although I recognize that players that young might have trouble pulling that off.
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