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There is a lot of valuable advice in this thread. Here are some observations, many of which reinforce previous observations:
1 - Handling coaches is *really* important to becoming an excellent official. The fact that this question was asked, and that so many are reading and contributing, is a good thing.
2 - As a general rule, varsity coaches are easier to deal with than Fresh/JV coaches. I say that as a way to encourage newer officials who are dealing with difficult sub-varsity coaches. Not only will you get better, but the people you deal with will often be less frustrating. There is hope! (By the way, varsity coaches also tend to know the rules much better than sub-varsity coaches. By "easier," I do NOT mean to suggest that you can snow varsity coaches. They expect and demand competence ... as they should.)
3 - I agree that your level of visible confidence and competence plays a role here. Each of us needs to continue to get better, and we need to exude professional competence and confidence. That makes dealing with coaches easier.
4 - Never think that you'll win a coach over through reason (during a game). I made this mistake early in my career. A coach questioned my call. I thought that by explaining fully my point of view, and by connecting my point of view with the text of the rules, a coach would be brought to the point of saying: "Ah, yes. You are a wise and good official. Now that I have had that explained to me, I can continue in this game with confidence in your expertise." It never happened. It never will. Provide a brief/sound bite explanation/comment/answer and then be gone.
5 - A technical foul is an important and valuable tool for dealing with coaches. As a young official, I rarely, rarely called a T. I was of the mindset that virtually nothing anyone said bothered me, so just ignore it. What I perceived as my tough skin was perceived by assignors, athletic directors and some coaches as weakness. I have converted to the view that a T is just like any other foul/infraction. I do not view a traveling violation as a personal affront -- I just call it when and if I see it. Why view the technical foul on the coach a different way? When and if I see behavior that crosses the line, I simply call it. That's my job. People now view me as a stronger, more assertive official. It is a "perception," as I simply see myself as a better and more consistent official.
6 - I wholeheartedly agree with others that we each have to find methods that are genuine to our distinct personality.
7 - Because people are so different, and none of us is perfect, the art of handling coaches is one for which all of us can and should be attempting to getter better.
Best wishes to all!
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