The best response to a coach who doesn't want to see an umpire is to let him have him(her) over and over again.
I also love it when a coach asks for the assigners number and I get to give him mine. It is amazing to hear the things I have done when I was on a field. If I had known I was that bad an umpire I would have stpped assigning myself to anything above coach pitch a long time ago.
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