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1) The key to me on IG is intent. If a guy runs the wrong route or falls down or is taken out of the play somehow, all happening while or near the time of the throw, I can't see calling grounding. You have to rely on your wing's input, though. They saw the downfield stuff and can come in and advise as to whether or not any of those things happened. To me, a wrong route is a square-in when a square-out is called - not a fly when a button hook is called and the ball lands near no one late in the play.
If a flanker or wideout runs straight down the field or a post at full speed from the snap, I'm not buying the story of a wrong route if the qb chucks it into the flat under a heavy rush.
It may be splitting hairs, but even a wrong route isn't an excuse in a lot of cases. Lots of fouls are a result of doing something stupid without ill intent - ineligible downfield, illegal touching, illegal shift etc. - and A has to take their medicine sometimes as a result.
2) I'd be inclined to throw it (you - the R) and pick it up if need be. Picking up a flag after a short conference is preferable to tossing one after a short conference, in my opinion.
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