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It is unfortunate that coaches get caught up in winning and losing so much that they lose all other perspective. I would have no problem with you T'ing my player for profanity, and if I knew she did it, she would be on the bench next to me - of course I don't have high school varsity, but I don't think my attitude would be much different if I did. I probably would not remove a child for game for profanity, while at the MS level they will sit.
On Sunday, we played another team from our AAU club in a league game. I know the players, coaches, and parents and have a good relationship with many of them. I got a complaint from one player on their team about an alleged obscenity from one of my players. I immediately addressed the situation privately with her, and she of course denied doing anything wrong. I was sure to tell her that I did not know what happened, I wasn't on the court. But I made it clear that if a ref heard her say anything like she had been acused of saying to an opposing player, she could be T'd up or ejected (and I would hope you all would). If it was just a T, I explained that on my team she would still have a spot waiting on the bench. Next week after tryouts, I will have this discussion with my entire team about how they will comport themselves on the bench and in games.
I want my teams to be passionate about the games and about winning. The FIFA fair play guidelines even say that you need to put forth an all out effort on the field to be fair to those who came to have a sporting contest. But all that passion must come with self control. I think we all need to teach sportsmanship. And coaches can have selfish reasons for wanting control, because the self control that comes with sportsmanship also has side benefits of better discipline in all aspects of the game.
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