Among other things, I am on the board of my local rec league and we start players (boys and girls) at 3rd grade. I've been training refs to do these levels for over 10 years, so I may be able to add to this discussion with some experience.
We teach officials who do games at the 3rd and 4th grade level to use a lot of descretion when making violation calls, but not to hold back on contact fouls. Our philosophy on violations at this level is to let it go under the following three criteria: 1) there was no advantage gained by the violation 2) it didn't happen so obviously that everyone in the gym will moan and 3) the kid isn't doing the same thing wrong consistently.
When a kid really violates or commits a foul, we feel it is best to call it, then explain it if need be. By calling it, the kid is more likely to remember not to do it again.
We used to use this same philosophy for 5th and 6th graders, but in recent years we have started to call the games just the same as in upper grades. This is because the parents and coaches want it that way, and because the players have (overall) become much better in the past few years.
We have always called 7th and 8th the same as high school.
We do have special rules for the lower grades, for example: no backcourt or zones in 3rd and 4th with free throws shot two feet inside the regular line, plus nine foot rims and running clock. 5th and 6th just went to straight high school this year.
Hope some of this helps.
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