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Kids
I think the analogy with kids works here. I asked because you'd said specifically that putting the ball down is like spanking kids, they can both be avoided with clear communication.
My nearly 4 year old daughter speaks and understands English quite well. She also knows how to try to ignore me when I'm telling her something she doesn't like (coaches and players do this as well.) My ability to communicate with her isn't diminished by the fact that I occasionally have to pop her on the backside.
The difference is that I can follow up her spanking with more calm communication about why I did it (Juulie's example of the street is perfect here), but I can't do that with coaches when I put the ball down. It would defeat the purpose of putting it down if I spent 30 seconds explaining the rules to the coach.
I refuse to believe that a ref who is forced to put the ball down is some how at fault. I will say, however, that the threshold at which you can and should put it down is going to vary by region. I can't say I've even seen a violation or uncontested layup around here, although I've seen some teams have to hustle as the ball was put in play. We're pretty loose with it around here, and most teams break at or near (within a couple of seconds) of the 2nd horn.
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