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First of all, you have my sympathy ... that had to be a trying personal situation.
You are right, there does seem to be a lot of lessons to be learned.
Others have mentioned it, but I'll reiterate, you won't win an argument with a coach that does not have to do with a specific rule (except for the rare "Davism"). Foul counts, etc. have different meanings to people with different perspectives ... their meaning is subjective and will be used against you by a willing party. I am sure his point was (in his mind) the foul count should have been 58-23 ... whether it really should have been or not is irrelevant.
Another lesson seems to be don't bring up the score ... that just rubs salt in his wounds. A "That's enough coach" would be he safe route. Additionally, try to stay away from him after the "T" to minimize the risk of something being said that no one else hears ... make him yell it across the court.
About them walking off the court, that is a no-class stunt and I would let them go. This coach should be dealt with by the School and AD, none of us officials will turn him around.
About the press, it would be hard not to defend yourself aginst a specific false statement. I don't know what the right answer is there. It will be your word against his. With the high standing officials have in the community, it may be tough to come out on top (I work for an oil company, I know about trying to win uphill press battles!). In retrospect, a "no comment" to the reporter with the Association coming out after the fact with a strong endorsement is proboably the best course.
All of this is easy for me to say, sitting her in a peaceful room, much tougher to process in the heat of battle. All of your actions are understandable. It is hard to imagine that while you are in the middle of the first incident of the night, that things will snowball into a broohaha like you situation did. I think we can all learn from incidents like these.
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