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You have to do what you deem appropriate for your own child. No one is there to advocate for an 8th grader but his/her own parents. If your kid can handle it and learn from it, great. If not, get them out of there. Every coach has his/her own style, but that doesn't make abuse acceptable. Your definition of abuse may not fit the "legal" definition, but you have to be there for your child.
My kid is only 8 and has never encountered that kind of coaching, but I can tell you that I would never subject a pre-teen to that kind of behavior.
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