I'd start adding this to your pregame discussion since it seems to be a recurring issue with officials in your board/area.
Personally, my association has covered this some much the past couple of years so I haven't seen any confusion like you are describing. The only thing I'd say is that in your scenarios, both coaches and officials all seem to be talking together. If there is a discussion in game, I would try to pull my partner away from the coach and decide the correct administration. Then inform the coach/table once all officials have agreed (or in your case agreed to disagree and move on). I'm not having a discussion with my partner while the coach is listening in and chiming in.
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