Best line I've heard in a while
 

Only wish I would have said it.

Co-ed slow pitch tournament, late in the day, nearing the championship game. After a questionable call, player from losing team asks U1, "Are you even watching the same game as I am?"

U1 responds with, "Yes, I am, but I'm the only one watching it sober."

:D

Okay, now you've done it! :eek:

Player: Blue, you're missing a great game.
Umpire: I know and I really wanted to be there, but I was assigned this game instead.

My favorite, from a partner.

After a heated exchange where the coach had just been warned that was enough...

Coach: "Blue, you need glasses!"
Partner: "Coach, you need binoculars." as he tosses the coach.

Brilliant, all of these. I am big on keeping things serious even when the coach gets a little wacky, but I will be thinking these things inside.

I've always managed to keep things inside. Well almost always. I recall working a men's fastpitch game out in the sticks once when a fan yelled to me, "that was a bush league call". I didn't say anything, but put my hands up and looked around at the countryside as if to say that it was indeed bush league.
The initial post here reminded me why I dreaded late night adult men's games, especially on a Friday night.

Player: Where are the REAL umpires?

Umpire: Standing right here waiting for the REAL players to show up.

Coach: "Blue, you suck!"

Umpire: "You think if I was any good they would assign me to your crappy game?

Here was a fun reply I had in a JV ball game last week.

Batter squares to bunt. Pitch runs in on her and she starts trying to back out but still pushes the bat at the ball in an obvious bunt attempt. Pitch hits her in the chest.

I call out "Swing!..Dead ball!!..Strike!!"

The school's varsity coach was in the dugout with his JV coaches.. he is a good guy and runs a strong program here. He calls out "Ernie, it looked like she swung but she was really just trying to get out of the way!"

I turned and smiled at him and said, "But coach you just said it looked like she swung. That's why it's a strike!"

End of discussion! :)

9-10 grils softball league teams. Day is going smoothly as we have adopted a large zone for the pitchers trying to keep it from becoming a walk fest. Games have pretty much went without incident until late in the afternoon when a fan that just arrived started in on the plat umpire about his zone. Fan really says nothing more than the usual come on blue, not you to the batter and the such. Fans team in the field and plate umpire rings up the batter on strike 3 that from my position behind first base might have been just above the letters. Fan yells out that is terrible and is leaning into the fence screaming at this point. Umpire takes off his mask and is fixing to ask tournament officials to remove the fan from the area when the catcher turns around and yells " Shut up you are embarassing me and you need to remember this is 9-10 year olds and in 9-10 year old softball that should be a strike every time" Later found out it was her uncle that was causing the stink. Plate umpire just smiled and said play ball. Quietest next 3 innings I ever umpired.

Several years ago my partner and I were leaving the field after a game. A Mom came up to me and said "I want you to know that was the worst umpiring I ever saw". I smiled at her and said. "Well, you think this was bad you should see me on a off night". Her jaw dropped and my partner laughed in her face as we walked away.

Wow. I don't know whether to be impressed by her wisdom or dismayed by her lack of respect even for someone who doesn't deserve it.

Think I'll go with being impressed.

Rita

Nice Thread!!!

I had a partner tell a player (men's slow pitch).... "You didn't hear me complaining after you booted three easy plays in a row, so how about you lay off me until I catch up?"

I had to turn my head until the smile went away.

The young lady telling the truth , IMHO, was very respectful. People who forget how to behave-should be reminded on how civilized people behave.

Oh my gosh. I may end up using this one. My golly they play poorly.

Rita

Telling an adult to "shut up" is disrespectful.

But maybe times have changed.

Rita

Best one this weekend.
A team had 2 or 3 particular spectators, apparently parents, making dumb and annoying comments and complaints, loudly of course. About the 3rd inning, the 1st base coach turns to me and says:
"In my next life, I'm coaching a team of orphans".

I had a HS coach tell me this a few years ago....I thought it was pretty funny then, as well....

Like:D

Two thoughts from back in my days of coaching.

We used to say to build the ideal team, start with 12 independently wealthy orphans.

And from personal experience, I truly believe that if you are not a good person in life, you will spend eternity coaching 14-U.

Last week a first base coach yelled at my partner after his runner was called safe. We were working a 3 umpire crew and so I was standing right next to him as he went into his rant, one of many, mostly at the girls, but occasionally at the partners. I told him, "coach the girl is safe and all of them are 12".

During the next game one of the moms came to the fence to tell me that it was the best line she had heard at the games all season.

I had a college coach tell me her ideal team would be two Canadians and 12 orphans. I asked "Why the Canadians?" She said, "Their parents are just glad to be somewhere warm."

Me too.

I run into plenty of adults who need to "shut up". Times have changed, we know realize not all adults know how to act.

They need to be reminded how to behave, I don't care who tells them.

Maybe I haven't had enough coffee yet, but why would a first base coach complain after his runner is called Safe?? :rolleyes:

I was wondering the same thing myself -

Sometimes you don't have to say a word -

Was working a mens 35u league - its a modified pitch league that would be much better off being slow pitch, as most of the pitchers just don't have it anymore - they use a Clincher, and most of play is pretty terrible. Was working bases in 2 man, and there was one team that was pretty loud all night. They had a runner on first with 2 out, and the batter hit a slow roller to 3B, and 3b tosses it to second JUST late, and I call the runner safe - loudly. Well....for some reason the runner jumps up, comes off the base SCREAMING at me.. and it takes the second baseman about 10 seconds to realize what is happining, and then gently tags the runner. I just as gently raise my hand - not even saying anything, turning away with the biggest sh*t eating grin on my face, that never quite went away the rest of the game.

and yes, not much was said the rest of the night :D

Wonderful

12U rec ball ... bases loaded, I'm in the C, little pop-up looks like its headed to hit about 10 ft in front of F6, F6 starts coming in - BAM, BR on 2nd runs into her, I kill it, BR out INT ............... coach comes out and informs me that the runner has just as much of a right to the baseline as the fielder, he even said its like the receiver and defender having equal right to the ball ...... I listened politely then informed him what the rule was and what I saw, he insisted I was wrong but didn't put up much fuss

damn if I only had a penalty flag

Coach: You are wrong and I know it!!!
Umpire: Coach, would you like to continue the game under protest?
Coach: Sure, why not?
Umpire: Because you are going to be wrong in front of many more people, but it that's what you want, be sure to bring the parents along. :D