Your funny stories
 

So lay 'em out, fellow blues. Give us some of your funniest stories of things you've said/done to coaches or players.

Tonight, I had a conversation on the bases that went like this...

Me: Hey, 2nd, did you bring an extra pair of shoes tonight?
F4: Yeah, why?
Me: Well, when you get into your dugout, can you change your shoes out for me?
F4 (concerned): Sure... What's wrong?
Me: Those are fast pitch shoes. You can't wear fast pitch shoes in slow pitch.
F4 (shocked): What? Oh man... How can you tell?
Me: I can see the little logo on the backs of your shoes.
F4: No way... Oh crap...

A couple minutes later, I'm heading back to B from making a call at 3B, and I see F4 lifting up his pants legs and trying to look at the backs of his shoes.

I'm evil. :D

Here's A Link.....
 

http://forum.officiating.com/basebal...ng-moment.html

Started a thread at the Baseball Forum with "embarrassing stories" you might find funny......some real classics.

Sunday Rec (Beer) League, Slow Pitch, 1-man system. Player is giving me a good natured hard time about a call early in the game. Same player @ the Short Stop position kicks an easy one hopper allowing the BR to beat the throw to 1b... I make the sell call... "Safe on the booted ball by the short stop."

12-U League Game with time limit and drop dead.
Score is tied in 8th inning.
Visitors do not score.
I tell home team coach, "If you don't score, game will end in a tie". He says OK.
I tell visiting team coach, "If home team doesn't score, game will end in a tie."
He: "What if they do score?"
Me: "Then the game won't end in a tie."

WARNING: NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT

Its a Sunday morning, 35+ mens semi-modified league. The protagonists are (names changed to protect the innocent): Joe, an african american player who, while being a nice guy, couldn't hit cow poop in a barnyard, and his teammate. Bill. I, of course have the Plate.

First two times up in this game, Joe, as usual has taken three weak swings at pitches, and sat down. Third time up, guess what? Joe has two quick strikes on him. Bill, is in the dugout, apparently keeping score...or at least, looking at the scorebook. As the P starts his motion, Bill, in a friendly way, yells out the following:

HEY JOE, YOU GOT A CHANCE TO BE THE FIRST BLACK MEMBER OF THE KKK CLUB!!!! :eek:, and then in rapid succession:

Joe cracks up, falling backwards, out of the batter's box

The pitch, of course, is right down the pipe, and me, not being able to resist, give the big, Enrico Pallazo overhand strike 3

EVERYbody on both sides starts DYING - including me, using my momentum from my overhand strike to get me over to the nearby stands to sit, cause I am laughing so hard, I am CRYING. Meanwhile infielders and guys on base are rolling around in the dirt they are laughing so hard, and my partner is literally holding himself to keep from falling down laughing.

It took a good ten minutes for everyone to get a hold of themselves...

Bill Engvall Would Love This!
 

Here's Your Sign!

During a state church SP tourney, I was behind the plate. The pitch came in, hit the corner of the plate and bounced up RIGHT into the batter's crotch.

I held up my hand, looked at the batter and said, "you all right?"

And in a thick Jersey accent, the batter replied, "Oh yeah, my ex-wife took those from me a long time ago."

Took me a while to regain my composure. :D

I'm on the plate for a JO FP game, can't remember which age group.

A fan comes and plants his lawn chair directly behind me right up on the backstop and starts bi*ching about my strike zone.

After about an inning and half of this, I casually stroll toward the backstop between innings....

"Sir, that plate is only 17 inches wide and my a$$ is far wider than that so how can you see anything to complain about?"

He just looked kind of shocked and stood up and moved his chair off to one side. I didn't hear anything else from him the rest of the game!

In a Rec slow-pitch league (before the days of the mat), one team was continually complaining about my strike zone. Finally, I called "time", wandered to the complaining dugout, sat down, and called "play ball". With an incredulous look on his face, I told the pitcher to pitch. After the pitch landed, I said questioningly, "strike?" Then, I looked at the manager of the team and with a smile on my face I said, "Tommy, I'm absolutely positive I have a better look from behind the plate than I do here in the dugout. I think I'm gonna go back there behind the plate for the rest of the night."

Never heard another word. Thank heavens the batter took the pitch.

Working a double header slow pitch league. Rookie partner. Two teams that when they play each other tend to take trash talk to an art form. I generally got assigned their double headers because I had a knack for knowing when it moved from good natured to mean and kept it in line. I told rookie I'd take the plate first game so he could get a feel and to just play along.

Naturally, the trash is flying and after a ball call the pitcher says "You're killing me blue". I call time, glance over to my partner who thinks it's about to hit the fan, brush the plate real good, "Can you see the plate OK now Dollar?" A good time was had by all after that.

Had a first-game of season ending tourney once with seed 1 against seed 8. Seed 1 is winning, but lethargic and cocky. Coach has enough and after a regular call, calls time and comes out. Pulls a Gene Hackman, and I obligingly toss him - team plays more seriously after that.

Told a friend who was also a board member. Board called him (and me) in, and completely seriously told him he couldn't coach the 2nd game of the tourney and further, if he won the tourney (he did), he could not coach all-stars due to the ejection. Coach pled his case to no avail for at least 20 minutes before we relented and let him in on it.

I'm BU for a scrimmage game between two 16U FP teams. My partner is taking a lot of heat about his strike zone from a woman in the stands (undoubtedly the mother of one of the pitchers). Between innings, he asks the fans on that side of the field if he can borrow a quarter. A guy gives him one and he walks over to the plate, slaps it down, turns toward the woman, and says "Ma'am for ten bucks ... heads or tails?" She yells, "You're crazy! I can't see that from here!" Partner drops into his crouch and says, "Funny. I can see it real well from here."

Any comments?

Top Plays | Must C Curious: Umpire interference leads to a run - Video | phillies.com: Multimedia

that is one I HAVE to remember!

18U fastpitch. After a line drive bounced over 2nd base and through F8's legs that rolled to the fence for an in the park home run, as I get back to my A position F1 asks:

F1: Blue, can I get time out for a minute?

Me: Why?

F1: I need to go out and kick my centerfielder's a$$.

Me: Wow, can you get it done in a minute?

F1: Well, it will take me 30 seconds to catch her, 15 seconds to kick her a$$, and another 30 seconds to get back.

Me: That's too much time. Sorry, time request denied.

Last year in 4th final game (best of 5 series) mens dutch championship. I'm PU and have a wonderfull time behind the plate. Calling a big zone makes all fielders happy, on both sides...
Then I take a foul on my left underarm. It really hurts! Then F3 askes very loudly, he didn't move from his position: "Hee blue, I hope that isn't your strike-arm, is it?"

Both teams and the crowd never stoped smiling after they were done laughing... As I said I had a wonderfull time:o

Women's class A state. Pre-game a team shows up in basketball jerseys with mismatched sportbras underneath. We call the tourney director over and both coaches. The decision is made to allow them to play that game but they need to change for their next game.

As base umpire I go over to the offending team in 1st base dugout to explain what they need and where they can go to get it and to take care of the bat check. One of the players stands up facing me and says "no problem, not wearing one" and proceeded to prove it.

It was very hard for me working the bases when she was out playing 2nd.

Pun intended? :D

Gotta love women's games. I think they get a kick out of trying to embarrass us like this.

Was she at least cute? :p:rolleyes:

And did your wife appreciate it later?:eek:

And speaking of which, how here have had the 'problem' of a C wearing a thong, and uni bottoms that let u KNOW she is wearing a thong?? Distracting to say the least.......:eek:

SIT 1: As PU, things were going well except for one lady in the stands. After several innings of complaining, I casually mention to the catcher, "Wow. She certainly is into it." No response.

A couple of pitches later I say to the catcher something like, "I wonder what's got her in such a mood." No response.

Then after another rant I didn't quite understand, I said, "Well, I hope her kids not getting embarrassed." Catcher turns around and yells, "Mom, would you shut up." I felt about 2 inches tall and didn't say another word.

SIT 2: Late night Friday of a weekend tournament. It's late in the last game of the night and only two young, good looking, sweet voiced mom's are still in the stands. They are talking with each other and I think they are not watching the game. After an outside corner strike call that one mom disagreed with, she heckles me quite loudly, "Well, I certainly hope you learn to distinguish a ball from a stike by the morning." I'm not sure I've ever been heckled so elegantly.

Yes, very cute.


Mens SP, liner deep left nearly to fence. SS goes out to get the relay. Batter takes wide turn at 2nd as ball is coming in to SS who turns firing. I go set. Batter dives into 2nd, where 2nd basemen brings down a swipe tag just a bit before the ball got to his glove.

Next morning front page of sports section caption of photo of me with arms outstretched and both players looking up at me in horror and the ball still in the air after deflecting off me "Umpire signals runner safe at the ..."
It should have read "Umpire screams in a very high pitch while trying to remember what Bill Cosby said..."

I did not clip it out to save.

12-u rec
Pitch is high
Batter checks swing
Batter turns to me and said, "Did I go, Blue?"

Funny story, but I think there is a lesson here about gabby umpires.:D

The first no reponse should have been your clue.
Certainly the second.

What's the count?
 

My story - Doing JO 18 Gold at the Las Vegas Classic a few summers ago. College coaches watching these two very good Cali teams & I'm PU.
Pitcher throws a very hard inside 38' drop ball - one hops over the catchers's glove and nails me in the beans & frank.:eek:

Coaches call immediate time out (very cool;)) but my partner then asks from the B position "What's the count? One ball or two?":rolleyes:

Everyone laughed after about 5 minutes we resumed the game once I regained feeling. Oh yes I had protection.:)

Not mine, but another umpire, call him John Smith for this story, in our association...

Fall JC game...John is the BU being looked at by our assignor for addition to the staff. Coach A has a reputation for playing mind games with umpires.

My buddy has a banger at first, calls the Team A player out. Here comes the coach...

John (as coach approaches): Coach, I know that I'm the newbie out here and you are probably coming out here to see what I will take from you, so let's go ahead and get it over with so we can play ball.

awkward pause.....

Coach (somewhat stunned): So...you have an out call?

John: Yes, Sir.

Coach: You're not going to change that?

John: No, Sir

Coach: What's your name?

John: John Smith

Coach: I like you, Smith!

Coach turns and walks back to his dugout.....

I was PU in a JUCO game. Ball slips out of the pitcher's hand during the windup and rolls toward the 3B line. I call a ball, F5 picks it up, and the catcher looks up at me and says, "Did she go, Blue?"

Doing World Series games this summer in Florida, my PU took a direct shot to the cup bringing him to his knees. Just before play resumed F3 says to me "I wonder if his twinns are talking to one another yet?"

The team that was at bat referred to the PU as "McNuggets" for the rest of the tournament.

I know it was a long plane ride for him back to Texas when the tournament ended.

One more that I previously posted, but it's really good.

JUCO State Tournament. 3-umpire mechanics. PU is in good position to see the tag by F2, but was blocked from seeing her drop the ball and quickly scoop it back up. Offensive team in 1B dugout sees it and the immediate outcry causes my partner to call the BUs in to talk. We both saw the ball on the ground, so he changes his call to SAFE. Defensive coach comes out saying, "You can't let them change your call!" PU responds, "They didn't change my call coach. They offered me a veritable plethora of information that I did not previously possess." :cool:

Earlier in this thread there was a post about wearing fast pitch shoes in men’s slow pitch. I thought that was funny as heck and wondered if it would work. Last night I was doing a local men’s slow pitch with a couple of good hearted fun teams. In the third inning the home team pitcher was giving me a fun ribbing about a ball that he thought was a strike but it missed the mat by just about an inch. It was all in good fun.

Between innings I went to the coach of the home team and with as straight a face as I could muster told him that the opposing team had brought to my attention that the pitcher was wearing illegal shoes. The shoes he had a had a fast pitch logo on the back. The pitcher was now coaching 3rd base and the coach went out to talk to him. He looked at the back of his shoes, his coach looked at the shoes and at the end of the inning his teammates looked at his shoes. He even asked players from the opposing team to explain to him what the issue was with his shoes. When he finally figured it out but teams just lost it and laughed their heads off.

Before his first pitch I asked him "So pitch, was that call in the last inning a ball or a strike?" Everyone went crazy laughing again. Thanks to the person that posted it earlier, we all had a good time because of it.

Oh, would that you had put up a count of 2 and 1.:D

Would've been more alarming if he gave a 3-1 count. :eek:

or..........Nooooooo balls now and 1 strike!:eek:

Nah, that would've been more of a given. :D

OUCH! :eek:

Anyway in either situation he wouldn't walk with pride with his four balls...

Last night while umpiring lower division coed.........a girl is at bat, I called an illegal pitch, she swings and hits it anyway. The SS fields it and throws it to first. The batter steps back in the batters box......saying to the fielders...."the umpire called it illegal." Then she looks at me for confirmation. I said, "I did call it illegal. You chose to hit it anyway so you put the ball in play. You're out. " She got mad at me saying I couldn't make a call like that when she was in the middle of swinging already and wanted a do-over.

I know -- I could have stopped my story at lower division coed......but it is kinda funny.

I was also told last night that some pitches seem too high to me because I am short. Wow.....the things you get told. lol

Guys - You all are killing me :eek: after I shared a funny :D:D:D:D and Alex - I always walk with pride because I still have only 2 beans not 4 :rolleyes::rolleyes: the square hit did not replicate my privates:o:o:o

Here is another story -

About the 6th game on the field and we had a "grounds crew" (less than teenagers) come and line the field. The lines were "free hand" and were not straight at all.

At the coaches meeting at home plate the coaches were speaking how the lines were so crooked and I just told them the ground rules have been admend and that we were playing by "summer" rules.

After the line up exchange, coin flip etc one coach asks me, "Blue, what are summer rules?"

I said, "Some are fair & some are foul."

Highjacking a thread here, but does anyone have any historical context as to why Slow Pitch and Fast Pitch are different with respect to the handling of an Illegal Pitch that is swung at?

Baseball and softball have got it all wrong. No man can walk with four balls.

Nothing authoritative here, but my guess would have something to do with the fact that in slowpitch you have about 10 minutes to decide whether or not to hit the pitch that is coming toward you at a blazing 3 MPH (or so) vs fastpitch where you barely get the words "illegal pitch" out of your mouth before the catcher catches the ball.....

That is why I just say "illegal." Nothing more. ;)