Problem player

[greymule]

A certain slow pitch player is being quite irritating.

Every time this guy Jimmy Luny comes to bat he says, "Time please, sir," and gathers a couple of handfuls of dirt with which to make a neat little pile in the outside rear corner of the batter's box. He also uses his bat to draw a smiley face out in front of the plate. Further, on the first pitch of almost every at bat, he runs several steps toward the pitcher and feigns taking a mighty swing. He knows better than to make contact, but the defense, especially the pitcher, is always outraged and complains to me.

Luny plays third base, too. And before every inning starts he uses his foot to skim off the layer of surface dirt where a runner coming in to 3B would slide. He doesn't dig a hole or make a pile; he just pushes the dirt around.

The other teams complain, but I've looked all through the book and can't find any rules against anything this guy is doing.

Jimmy Luny is also a "ball" freak. You hear him talking about some tournament he played in over the past weekend, and his center of interest is always the quality of the balls. I once heard somebody ask Luny whether he'd be interested in playing in some tournament, and the first question came back, "What kind of ball are they using?" This carries over into the games I umpire, because Luny seems to be able to discern, merely from listening, when a game ball has lost its zip. So from the on-deck circle he's frequently telling me—politely—that the ball we're using is worn out and that I should get a better ball in the game.

When his team is at bat, you can hear Luny announcing the height of the pitches to his teammates: "Ten-six," "Eleven-two," "Oops. Twelve-four!"

Luny is an excellent player, though. And he's also a generally affable guy who doesn't argue calls.

I wish his company would transfer him, though.