Best way I found to shut up coaches was by saying to my organization, "Sure I'll be umpire."

I ain't heard a coach since. :)

Normally I am an umpire, but on the JV/Frosh level I take a wing spot to get experience out there. Last night as LJ in a Freshmen B game the D-coach for home team liked to spend time on the field. I asked him to back up a couple times, then, on a probable pass play, he was actually standing right to my right, on the field, his feet just inside the line just like mine. Loudly enough for all coaches in the area to hear, I simply said (without turning) "Coach, I don't want to run you over"... He looked up at me, realized my size and quickly said sorry, and stepped back. With me at 6'3", 290 pounds (solid muscle of course ;) ), he didn't want to see me do that to him. No problems with him after that.

I love this one!

The best part is that it translates easily to several other sports!

The head coach on my sideline complains to me that a tackler on the opposite sideline grabbed his runner's facemask and that the headlinesman didn't call it.

My reply, "You saw that facemask from here? I don't know how he missed it."

I was a LJ years ago. The coach on my side questioned a call so I said "coach, I know that's right because I read the rule book last night". He thought for a moment and said "well, as long as it was last night..."

Here's one I didn't use. It was a 7th grade game when I first started and the coach was screaming about something. I just about told him to knock it off you're only a 7th grade coach. But I didn't because I realized that I was only a 7th grade referee.

Thats a good subject for another thread. Things we would like to say but don't.

REPLY: Years ago a friend of mine was the local HS varsity baseball coach. He had been getting on the plate ump pretty hard about his ball-strike calls. Finally, the ump had enough. He came over to the bench and sat right next to my friend. He didn't say a word to Ted, but yelled out to the pitcher, "Play ball" The pitcher looked over to the bench confused. The ump repeated, "Play ball!" Ted asked the ump, "What the he__ are you doing?" To which the ump calmly replied, "Obviously, you can see the strikezone better from here on the bench. I want to give it a try."

waltjp...any guesses as to whom this was?

We had a guy do that in basketball about 10 years ago. Funny stuff.

One of my fellow officials used this one. The head coach had been riding him all game long about missed calls. No profanity but some pretty derogatory stuff. After he had enough, he went up to the coach and said "Coach, are your assistants pretty good coaches?" Coach replies 'Yeah, why?" The official said "Because they're taking over for you if I hear one more word." It might not be recommended, but it did the trick. Nothing else from the coach for the rest of the game.

I always liked this one: A coach was yelling at how bad one of my partners was. My partner just turned and looked at him and said, "If I was any good, I wouldn't be working your level!"

I am also a hockey official. This one coach was badgering my partner over missed calls. After awhile, every time my partner skated by his bench, he would critique the coaching. He would say things like "Your kids need work on passing the puck", "I would have pulled those kids off the ice sooner", "Coach, you need more pressure on the puck!" After a few minutes of this the coach just looked at my partner and said, "I get your point." He was quiet the rest of the game.

Scott

This is genius....I wonder if I could get away with this in football? Gonna keep this one in my pocket. Might pull it out someday.

"You better tell them to move into the on-deck circle." OR "I think you better pick up the phone and call the bull pen and get someone up."