Jokes

[JugglingReferee]

We have a ref who says, "In God we trust, all else pay cash."

"No phone calls."

"See the foul, find the ball, make the call."

We have a running joke the the new guy is always the HL and his job is to find the yummy mommies in the stands.

[kdf5]

A skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a beer and a mop. I love that one. Happy Holloween!

[James Neil]

Originally posted by KWH

While driving down the freeway the buyer is cut off by three cowboys in an old pickup who are swerving lane to lane all over the freeway. Having to take drastic action to avoid a collision the buyer shouts "Fickin losers!"
At that moment the car is filed with the sounds of the University of Washington's marching band playing the "Husky Fight Song!!!"

Now that's funny Kevin LOL

Did you hear about the Indian who drank so much tea before he went to bed he drowned in his tea-pee?

[Forksref]

Originally posted by KWH
New car salesman hands the keys of a new 2005 Mercedes to the buyer. The buyer gets into the car and starts it up. After 30 seconds or so the buyer shuts the car off, gets out and hands the saleman the keys back to the salesman.
Buyer:"I am no longer interested in this car".
Salesman: "Why"?
Buyer: "You would think with the kind of money you charge for this vehicle, that the radio would work"!
Salesman: "Well sir the 2005 mercedes has a voice activated radio. All you have to do is vocally announce the type of music you wish and the radio begins to operate".
The buyer gets back in the car, starts it up, and says "County and Western" immediatly all 8 speakers begin playing Willie Nelson singing "Wiskey River"
The buyer smiles, nods to the saleman, and drives off. After driving a block or so the buyer says, "Rock and Roll!" Immediatly the car is filled with the sounds of The rolling stones.
Turning onto the freeway the buyer says "Easy listening" and the vehicle radio begins playing soft and relaxing elevator music.
While driving down the freeway the buyer is cut off by three cowboys in an old pickup who are swerving lane to lane all over the freeway. Having to take drastic action to avoid a collision the buyer shouts "Fickin losers!"
At that moment the car is filed with the sounds of the University of Washington's marching band playing the "Husky Fight Song!!!"

I was going to buy a Japanese car but during the test drive I realized I couln't understand the songs on the radio.

[Jim S]

Yeah, I had the same problem when I was in Oklahoma.

[aceholleran]

Two termites walk into a bar. One says to the server, "Where is the bar tender?"

Ace in CT

[w_sohl]

Originally Posted by msavakinas

in response to the cursing thing,

if players are cursing at me that's one thing, if they are cursing with me that's another

It's the same thing, inappropriate for HS sports. I've never had to flag, but I let them know I heard it and ask them to watch their mouths.

[daggo66]

During an extremely hot and humid game the home team coach was displeased with the LJ's calls for most of the game. Just before the start of the 4th quarter the LJ was on the sideline near the coach. He took off his hat to wipe some of the sweat and to chase away some of the flies that had been particularly nasty that today. He decided to strike up a conversation with the coach and mentioned how terrible the huge flies were that were constantly buzzing around him. The coach said, "Oh, those are popular around here. They're called circle flies." Having never heard of them the LJ replied, "What are circle flies?" The coach went on the explain that they are called circles flies because they are the type of flies normally seen circling a horse's ***. The LJ quickly turned to the coach and asked, "Are you calling me a horses ***?" "No, no", replied the coach, "I have far too much respect for an official to imply such a thing." After a slight pause the coach then remarked, "Sure is hard to fool them flies though."

[Mike L]

Two Irish guys walked out of a bar....