How much do you talk to coaches?
 

I'm a first year ref. In my first batch of games I have been hesitant to talk to the coaches much, but I have now realized that I could probably make things smoother for myself if I would give them an ear once in a while. What is the appropriate time and tone to talk to a coach who is whining about calls? What do you do when you feel you may have missed a call and coach is telling you about it? Admit your mistake?

I almost exclusively only speak when spoken to. And only then when it's in the form of a question. And only then when it's asked in a respectful way.

Situations when I will speak to a coach when not spoken to is when a coach is violating a rule, such as being out of the coaching box.

The ability to be approachable and talk to coaches is something that takes new officials time to develop. If they're experienced and you're just learning the ropes, they'll eat you alive. They know what to say, you don't.

As a few guidelines:
#1, first and foremost, answer questions but do NOT address comments.

Only talk to the coach when the opportunity presents itself.
Don't get caught up in a convo when you should be officiating.
Don't throw your partner under the bus.
Don't argue with him. If you disagree, walk away when it's obvious nothing is going to change his mind or yours.
Admitting a mistake is okay but once a game is enough.

I'm sure others will offer their thoughts as well.

Silence can't be misquoted. If you can't think of an appropriate response, don't say anything.

Answer questions only.

Ignore comments (unless they rise to the level of a Technical Foul, then take care of business).

Only talk to the coach during a dead ball.

Keep your voice calm. Use a normal conversational tone.

Body language is important. When taking to the coach, have your arms at your sides or behind your back. Never fold your arms in front of you, this makes you look unapproachable.

You get a maximum of one "you're right coach, I kicked that call" per game. Use it wisely.

If they're questioning a charge/block call/no-call, I've found that it can help to include the phrase "legal guarding position" into your response. "Coach, the defender established legal guarding position and your player initiated the contact"

You can initiate conversation, but only to give factual information (Coach, you have 3 timeouts remaining), or to request their help with a situation (Coach, please stay in your coaching box).

The coach is not supposed to be your friend. So, do not expect to win one over. Respond to questions asked with civility. If I have made a call off ball or where a coach may have been straightlined, I will answer a "What happened?" type of question. Good coaches will use that information to help coach their players. Too many new officials are told to "not talk to coaches" rather than given instruction as to when and how. I am still learning, and will be still learning on the day I hang up the whistle.

Pretty much covered all the basics right here. I agree with all of this.

I just had this conversation last night with a JV official who was talking about how to respond to a comment by a coach and talking with coaches in general.

I told her don't respond too comments, only questions. If you do get engaged with a coach during their commentary simply state something along the lines of "coach, if you have a specific question, I'd be happy to address it."

Veteran coaches know how to get a lot of commentary into their "questions." Sometimes a good, "Coach, we hear you" with a variation of the stop sign technique works well for me in those situations.

Technically, I believe we are only "suppose" to discuss rules questions. But the more experience you get the more you will learn how to verbally interact with coaches. And learning how to do so efficiently and effectively will go along way toward advancing your career as an official.

As a young official it's tough but I would suggest limiting what you say until you feel more comfortable in your responses. A lot of time coaches just want to be heard. As long as they are respectful, let them know you hear them (use body language) and as you gain experience you will gain confidence in what responses work for you.

Here is what I've done
 

I'm in my 2nd varsity year, so I'm a newer official.

I would say try things. Especially in the off season. During season like we are right now, I didn't say much my first year. I acknowledged a lot of comments at first with a nod but very rarely said anything.

In the off season, I tried conversing more and sometimes I found I overstepped and said far too much. Sometimes I found that I didn't say enough.

I saw my mentor, yesterday, in a game and he did something I never even thought about doing. Three man mechanics, we rotate opposite table as the calling official, but he simply said to his partner "I'm staying" and he had a brief discussion with the coach. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but it didn't matter, he acknowledged the coach and then addressed it. I did hear what the coach said, he nodded and said "I understand that" and then walked away.

Generally for me I would just talk to coaches when I was on their sideline and they had a question. But now if there's ever a dicey play that needs immediate intervention from preventing a blow up, I think I will try this tactic.

I only talk to them when they ask questions or when the ball is clearly dead like during or after a timeout. Otherwise I do not seek them out or try to say much to them. They have a job to do and there is not much reason to talk to them. I also do not answer statements or address them when they are yelling.

Peace

One lesson that you (the OP, not the person I'm using here for a reply) should get out of the way (here, rather than on the court) is that coaches are not your friends. No matter how friendly and nice they are at any point during the game, they can and will turn on you in a heartbeat.

And even when calls go their way, they relate to the coach that "got screwed" more than they relate to you. Players are the exact same way.

Use this knowledge, though, when you talk with coaches. I'm friendly (until I have a reason not to be), approachable (until I have a reason not to be) and will answer any question that a coach has (within reason). Don't think for one minute that a coach's friendly nature and handshake means that it's an invitation for you to initiate a dialogue about calls that go against him to try to "explain" them away.

As a first year official, I'd worry less about this and worry more about some other things that you can control more. Be confident with your calls -- be able to look the scorer in the eye when you report and don't appear to be in a hurry to "get away". If a coach asks a question, answer it with as few words as possible and move on. Make it look like you're willing to listen to comments, even if the comments are worthless. Use strong signals and portray confidence when making calls.

It took me a long time to get comfortable with talking with coaches because when I started we (as a group)talked a lot less than we do now. I think.

Also, a large number of coaches don't know the rules. So if you have a firm grasp of the rules, you can explain a call to them verbatim according to the rule and you may be able to confuse them enough to keep them quiet for the remainder of the game.:D

I hate that coaches can say some pretty stupid things at times, but there's wisdom in the saying that "You can't misquote silence." I've learned to ignore a lot of meaningless comments that are said during the heat of the game.

The hardest thing officials need to learn is to not care what coaches think about them during a game. Sure, an official wants to be known as professional, approachable, hard-working, etc., but the nature of the job is that there are a lot of close decisions that will annoy or anger one of the two coaches. It's part of the gig.

My biggest growth on the football field has been to let my wings (I'm a referee) handle 100% of the communication with the coaches unless someone specifically requests my presence as the crew chief). My biggest growth on the basketball court has been to learn that sometimes the best response to a comment (or even a loaded question) is to show the coach the back of my shirt.

And even when you know the rule and explain the rule in detail, they will still argue with you. I have explained verticality only to have coaches tell me there is such thing as "over the back." I had a coach try to tell me the other day that I should call a "moving screen" when his player literally ran around the guy. It never ceases to amaze me how dumb and stupid coaches can be when you try to talk to them even in the most calm and logic voice.

Peace

You can add to that list ... "This isn't the NBA. There's no continuation (continuous motion) in high school.

One of your challenges...
 

... is that you don't get to hear the conversations/communications of more veteran partners with coaches, in order to learn both positives and negatives. Soldier on. It gets better/easier.

One of the things that really helped me the last couple of years is going to some games -- not just the games that followed my JV games, but really going to games on nights when you don't have an assignment -- and watching the veteran guys and how they interact with the coaches. Go into the locker room at halftime and after the game and find the appropriate time to talk to them about what you saw.

ie, "Hey, I saw you talking to the coach after that PC foul you called. Can you tell me how that conversation went?" or "You really seemed to defuse that situation with that coach...what did you say to calm him down" or stuff like that.

No, we can't be immediately privy to those kinds of conversations, but going out of your way to learn from veteran guys not only shows that you want to learn, but there's a lot of value if you'll ask questions and listen.