Totally off-topic poll questions

[ChuckElias]

Here's a little baseball humor, courtesy of ESPN.com's "Page 2". Cast your votes!
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What the heck was David Wells thinking when he said he was "half-drunk" during his perfect game in his "autobiography," then claimed he was "misquoted"? (Mr. Wells' comments made possible by a grant from the Jack Daniels Foundation.)

A. "What I meant to say was that Jeter was half-drunk for my perfect game. I was completely sauced."

B. "Let's just say my spitter had some Jaegermeister residue on it."

C. "I'm tired of these half-truths appearing in print. From now on, I'm refusing to talk to myself."

D. "I would've been completely drunk if it weren't for the six cheeseburgers, five burritos, and four slices of pizza I had before the game."

E. "You know, there was a part of me that was "Half-sober" during that game and nobody's saying word one about that."

F. "I have a no-trade clause, right?"
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What the heck was Roger Clemens thinking when he found out that Wells had "written" that, if he were Mike Piazza, he would have shoved that bat shard up a place where the sun don't shine?

A. "A place where the sun don't shine? You mean the dreams of Red Sox fans?"

B. "If Wells were Piazza, he wouldn't have been able to walk the straight line to first base."

C. "And if I were Roger Clemens, I would kick your butt the next time I see you."

D. "It should be 'where the sun doesn't shine.' That's just piss-poor grammar."

E. "It's weird. Nobody likes me. Nobody likes him. And yet we can't find a common ground."

F. "Dave must not be at the 'making amends' stage of his program yet."
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