What is the one thing you can remember that a coach has said to you in the course of a game that has made you laugh because you know that they have no idea what they are talking about?? I want to make sure I get as many examples as possible, I hate being surprised.

A1 shooting second of two FT's.

B1 violates, but FT goes in.

A1 coach leaps off bench....VIOLATION! VIOLATION! HE SHOULD GET ANOTHER FREE THROW!

Me: Coach, the shot went in.

Coach: NO, NO, HE GETS ANOTHER ONE

Me: But coach, THE SHOT WENT IN.

Coach: NO, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WHISTLE THAT DOWN, and then we shoot another...uh...err...um...oh, wait, never mind.

Fool.

Classic, duh coach!!

I called an obvious "carry" on A1. A couple trips later, B1 does one of those ugly "high dribbles" that is not illegal and I call nothing. Coach of team A is going crazy for a carry. Next time I'm standing in front of the A coach I try to explain the difference. "Your player's hand was completely under the ball coach....their player just missed the ball when it came up from the floor and the dribble went real high. That isn't illegal."

Then coach says, "but there has to be a time limit."

I looked at him with this incredibly confused look on my face and said, "what?"

Then he said, "there has to be something you can call on that."

I didn't try to explain anything else to him the rest of the night.

Z

I called a very obvious elbow violation and the kids coach yelled out, "That's a secondary elbow!!!"

I was close so I just told him it's just a violation and not a foul and he told me, "that he had played at about every level and that's was a secondary elbow!!!"

I didn't play at every level so how was I supposed to know. : )

A3 drives to basket and B3 pulls off a clean strip, ball OOB to A...I am C in front of Coach A who says:
"Have you ever seen Monte Python and the Holy Grail?"

"Yes, I have coach." with a confused look on my face I am sure...

"Remember the part about the Black Knight...you know, he has no arms left and is yelling come back and fight, it's only a flesh wound...that last no-call kinda reminded me of that. How bout you?"

All I could do was smile and tell him that was a good one...

Home Coach calls for a time out, I grant and ask him if he wants a full or half, he takes a half. I report and wait until the 20, I step forward, to V huddle "first horn" to Home huddle "first horn", home coach looks at me like a deer in my headlights, "first horn"?, yes coach first horn. He holds his arms and hands up and says, while shaking his head what does first horn mean? As home breaks huddle I walk closer and tell him I am to report to both teams at 20 seconds into a 30 second timeout and prepare to get your team on the floor. He smiles and gives me two thumbs up, like Okay Dokay?
So play continues until home coach wants another timeout, I am the granting official, I ask him coach half or full, he looks and says I will take the 20 second timeout, the fact was he was serious, so I told him he could have the whole 30 seconds if he liked, he was very happy.

CK

Boys JV game. Coach is going crazy yelling to his players to call a TO. "Heyyyyyyy caaaalllllllllll aaaaaaa ttttiiiiimmmmmmeeeeeeeeeooouuuutttttt." The funny part is that while he is jumping up and down I am standing right in front of him. Once I stopped laughing I was able to blow the whistle to grant him a TO.

my favorite is.......
 

team A shoots the ball, and both teams are scrambling for the rebound. tips are going up, stuff like that. and the whole time, coach is screaming "3 SECONDS!!! 3 SECONDS!!!"

cracks me up every time....

Re: my favorite is.......
 

glad you think it's funny!

better to laugh
 

than to sigh....

We'll be here all week - Vegas next week
 

My assistant tells that 3 seconds joke every game - I am glad you all stil find it funny. I thought the novelty would have worn off by now :)

He also has a related joke in which the dribbler crosses half court and he begins immediately screaming for 3 seconds. He is such a comedian ;)

Girls Varsity, Spring League. (translate: not regular coaches). Dribbler prevented from driving to the basket by good solid defense. She cuts in right at the baseline and is running along under and behind the basket. Defender maintaining position. Dribbler moves slightly toward defender, and bounces OOB. i call OOB. Coach comes running out onto the floor screaming, "If her feet are in the air, it's got to be a forced out!!"


(It sounded like complete gibberish to me until someone on this board explained that there really did usued to be a rule, where if the defender could get the dribbler to step out of bounds, but the contact wasn't really enough for a foul, then it was called a "forced out", and the dribbler's team got the ball back. Still the funniest thing I've ever heard!)

Q: You know how you can tell when a coach is saying something that's sheer nonsense?

A: His lips are moving.

Freshman girls
A is leading by an insurmountable score in the first quarter (B is that bad.) A is taking the ball out of bounds right in front of B's bench, hopping around a bit looking for an open teammate. B coach is murmuring in my ear, "she's traveling. She's traveling. She's traveling."
Later in the second quarter, he does it again.

I didn't have the heart to correct him in front of his players.

snaqwells