Howler Monkey Follies - episode 135

[Mark Padgett]

Part 1:
Team A has a sizable lead the entire game, but team B makes a run in the fourth quarter. After B1 scores to cut the lead to 5 with about 2 minutes to go, coach A yells at his guys to "come over here". They go over to the sideline in front of the bench and he starts talking to them. Meanwhile, the ball is bouncing around under B's basket and my partner starts his five-count. B2 asks me if there's a timeout. I tell him "nope". He asks me what they (team A) are doing? I tell him "I have no idea".

My partner reaches five and blows his whistle, announces an inbound violation and prepares to give the ball to team B. Coach A yells that he "has a timeout". I walk over to him and tell him that neither he nor any of his players ever indicated to either me or my partner that they were requesting a timeout.

HMA (Howler Monkey A): What did you think I was doing over here, then?
ME: Coach, I learned a long time ago not to try to figure out what coaches do. It's an exercise in futility.
HMA: Couldn't you tell I wanted a timeout?
ME: Coach, I'm not a mind reader - which in your case would be particularly difficult.
HMA: Huh?
ME: Coach, you just proved my point. Do you want a timeout now?
HMA: Yeah, I guess.
ME: Well, you can't have one. They already have the ball.
HMA: Huh?

Part 2:
Different game, different coach. I call a technical for the second delay on a boundary violation.

HMA: What was that?
ME: That was your second violation of the boundary, coach. It's a technical.
HMA: Why?
(I must admit, that one kind of took me by surprise)
ME: Because it's a rule. You do know we have rules for this game, coach. In fact, we've put all of them in a little booklet called the rule book, just to make it easy for you. If you like, I'll be glad to sell you one at halftime.
HMA: Huh?

Part 3:
Same game - other coach. My partner gives the first warning to team B for interfering with the ball after a made basket.

HMB: What was that call?
ME: A delay warning for interfering with the ball after it went through the basket.
HMB: Can't you just give us a warning first?
ME: Huh?

[mick]

The beat goes on....