I pulled a "semi-Dave"

[Mark Padgett]

Last night I had my final two games of spring league. Both games were 8th grade girls and the first one was a real slap-a-rama. My partner Chuck (we call him Chuckles) and I must have called 40 fouls in the game. Team A had a 6 point lead with under two minutes to go but lost by 5. As you might infer, they played really stupidly in their "endgame."

After the game, a woman approached me. She had been sitting on team A's bench keeping a scorebook. She said she wanted my partner's name. The conversation went like this:

her: What's your partner's name?
me: My partner? You mean my wife?
her: No - your referee partner.
me: I can't tell you.
her: What do you mean - you can't tell me?
me: He's in a witness protection program and revealing his name is a federal crime. I'm not going to jail just to satisfy your morbid curiosity.

This stumped her momentarily, then she asked me for my name.

her: Then what's your name?
me: Regis Philbin - and that's my final answer.

I then walked away. When I came back on the court for the second game, she was gone. I hope aliens abducted her and she's enjoying the probe.