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Three that I used this year.
#1 :
Coach - "We've got 3 fouls and they don't have any! Me - "I know Coach, they haven't fouled anyone." #2 : Fan - "Hey Ref, you're pitiful!" Me, straight-faced, calm, - "Is that the best you've got? I mean, is that really the best you can do?" He didn't say a word the rest of the game. #3 : Coach - "Do you need my glasses?" Me - "Why? They're not doing you any good." They all worked very well. |
Re: Three that I used this year.
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Coach "You can't call that"
Me " Yes I can, I just did" Player "Hey Ref he's holding me" Me "Probably because your holding him" (player cracked up) Me "Coach I enjoy talking to you, but your assistant has no people skills. You might want to tell him to keep his comments to himself" Coach "You are the only one in the gym that saw that foul" Me "Good thing this isn't a democracy" I have a few more but will refrain. The one thing that I KNEW I had to contral was my sarcasm and quick tongue. This has led to not talking with coaches as much as I should, but it is better that then saying something they may misunderstand |
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Here is a couple for ya.
"You need glasses Ref".....I know Coach, that's why I wear contacts! "That's three seconds Ref"......I had it at 2 and 9/10ths coach! After team A scores, on the way to the other end, Team B's Coach says: "Can I get a 3 seconds?", FTFTFTFT Time Out Blue! Blue Coach: "I didn't ask for a time out". Ref: Oh, thought you said "Can I get a 30 second". Team A is on offence, Team B's coach: "3 seconds, 3 seconds". Team B has the ball next time down the floor...Ref: FTFTFTFT While looking at Team B's Coach..."3 seconds" Coach: "That's over-the-back Ref" Ref: "Over-the-Back isn't a foul Coach, On-the-back is. If he makes contact, I'll get him for it". ......................................Tom Platt Sr. Coach: "That's a foul, he's reachin'": Ref: "Reachin' isn't a foul Coach, contact is". ......................................Tom Platt Sr. Coach: "That's not an illegal pick, why cah't he do that?" Ref: "I didn't say he couldn't do it, he can do it four more times". ......................................Tom Platt Sr. [Edited by thumpferee on May 1st, 2003 at 05:11 PM] |
I used the "this isn't a Democracy" line a few weeks ago in a particularly physical contest.
This next one is a softball quip. Player on a team playing with only 9 players is bi***ing about balls and strikes and says "C'mon ump, we can't play 11 out here." To which I replied, "would you like to play 8?" That got the usual, "Oh, very funny" comeback from some of his other team-mates, but he didn't say anything the rest of the game. Oh yeah. The scorekeeper got a kick out of it.:D |
Against my better judgement
The other day I was working a men's "alumni game" at a high school. Now, normally, I'm a proponent of the "the less said the better" school of officiating and quippery, but guys were being pretty good-natured and everything was a little loose. One player didn't like a call, and said at the next dead ball, "just for the record, that was terrible."
My response: "Your play or my call?" He just looked at me. His teammates (we were in front of his bench) had a good laugh at his expense. I was happy just to be that quick-witted for once. I'm no Mark Padgett, you know! |
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Some of my HS games have a 35 second shot clock. During a HS game last season B was applying pressure in A's backcourt, B1 knocks the ball OOB in front of coach B. Coach loudly wonders why I didn't call the 10 seconds and informs me he counted to 18. I said yeah, but you've gotta count by 1's, not by 2's. I then smiled and pointed at the shot clock which said 26. |
Here are three I like.
1. "Ref, can he hold me like that?" "Only if he buys you dinner." 2. "He fouled me, Ref." "Oh please, I've been kissed harder than that." 3. OOB call goes to white. Blue's coach asks, "Why do they always get it?" "I'm colorblind." |
Re: Against my better judgement
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